If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
