i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Shame is for Republicans.
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