I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
