i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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