i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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