Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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