I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
