Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
