All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
