if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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