I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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