I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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