I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
