So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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