it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
