Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.