I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.