he looks like a really good dad on facebook
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.