hotel room ftw
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
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