I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
