I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
