Your mouth is God's brothel.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize