I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
