There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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