Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
