Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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