I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize