if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
