screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
