He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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