Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize