I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
