before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
