It's Friday. Sex?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
