So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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