how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
