the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she peed on how many people?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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