omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
