she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
