Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
