Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
