i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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