considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
