I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
