im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I cannot find my penis.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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