i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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