Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
