I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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