I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
BRING THE BAGELS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
