I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
