Me too!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
