The maid of honor just puked.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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