$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
