My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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