I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
