It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You've changed since you got that strap on
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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