I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
