I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My penis needs a shock collar
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
