There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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