maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
