i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
