How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
