So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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