My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
