I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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