Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
