sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
