This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
