Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
