Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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