She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
