No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
