There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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