and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
