So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
